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Generation In-Between: A Xennial Podcast
Xennial co-hosts Dani and Katie talk about their analog childhoods, digital adulthoods and everything in between.
Generation In-Between: A Xennial Podcast
Dear Diary: Deep Thoughts From a 90's Teen
Did you keep your biggest secrets, and best gossip, for the pages of your hastily locked diary?
Do you have proof of the first time you tried a cigarette, via your own diary entry?
If you waxed poetic as a 90's teen, you might be a Xennial. And we are too.
Guys, this is a very special episode straight from the pages of Dani's middle- and high-school diary, as well as poetry via her electric typewriter.
Is it cringe? In some parts. But there's also some really poignant moments that reminded us that the teen years are angsty, emotion-filled and sometimes just HARD.
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Hi, generation Inbetween, we are back and we're not only recording today for your audio listening pleasure. We are now on YouTube, so we will have video of this episode up. We look glamorous and lovely, as always, oh yeah. Anyways, we don't have our special little intro, quirky sentences, because y'all, it has been a week. Oh no, you're good. Uh-oh, are we good? Okay, yeah, it's been a week. I am currently drinking coffee from Katie's Bahumbug mug because, bahumbug, you know, an election happened and obviously y'all know where we stand politically because of the comments we've said on this podcast. We won't go into the weeds of that because it doesn't matter, but we are feeling our feels, yes, and we're exhausted, and we're also doing rehearsals which are actually going well. They're going great, but it's a lot of brain space, a lot of feelings and things. So we're doing something different today, yes, which I think I might end up really fucking regretting.
Katie Parsons:And there's the E right at the start.
Dani Combs:Well, I have to put the E because I don't want my child listening to this one. Because, guys, what we are doing today, I had this bright idea when I came across some old stuff not that long ago. I found my old diary and some old writings.
Katie Parsons:So this is amazing. First of all, I can physically see some of them, which we will show on YouTube. So even if you don't listen to us on YouTube, you have to find this one Deep Thoughts from the 90s Teen that's the name of it so you can see some of these illustrations. We'll have pictures too. Yeah, but set the scene like. What age were you when these things were written?
Dani Combs:Okay, so what I'm going to tell you guys is I am going to read samples from my diary yes, and some poetry that I used to write on a typewriter, which we'll get more into that. You guys, I was really weird. Okay, we know this. I still am weird. I had a lot going on Like I did not have this mood, this childhood.
Dani Combs:I have a lot happening and I'll get more into the weeds with this in a little bit, but most of this that I have in my hands is middle school, high school, era, except for one piece that I had to bring that I think I was probably in fourth or fifth grade. How old was Tegan? Fourth grade? Yeah, I think I was around Tegan's age when I wrote this. Awesome, but I used to love writing when I wrote this. Awesome, but I used to love writing and I would get so excited when we had creative writing assignments in class and this one, I know I wrote for something, but I think I wrote it again so I could keep it. How I still have this, guys, I don't know, because I was in fourth or fifth grade in 89, 90.
Katie Parsons:Well, I think it's hard for people to keep track of those things I know I've mentioned. So the reason I won't be reading from diaries and reading these things is because, as I've mentioned on a zillion episodes, at least all of my stuff's at my parents in Indiana and I did go there recently and found a certain number of things, but there were only so many days I was there and I was helping with my mom who has Alzheimer's disease. But I know there's a box of kind of these writings from elementary. I also have some diaries this era, so we'll just have to do a follow up.
Dani Combs:Oh yeah, oh yeah, it's going to be Katie's turn, don't worry, but.
Katie Parsons:I was going to say it's like hard to keep track of this stuff anyway, but also your family went through Hurricane Katrina Well, interestingly enough.
Dani Combs:Not only did we go through Hurricane Katrina when I was in high school, we also had a massive flood in our house. It wasn't a hurricane, it wasn't a tropical storm, it was just a freak rain shower. We got so much rain in 24 hours. It was massive flooding.
Dani Combs:We have several feet of water in my house. So we lost a lot of stuff then, obviously, there was a lot lost in Katrina, but ironically, a lot of stuff that I thought was ruined was actually in a storage unit that my parents had. That was fine. That made it through Katrina unharmed. Wow, that's amazing. Which is weather is weird, right, because, like their house they were staying in had like five feet of water. One house was like demolished. They owned a couple of houses at the time that they were in the process of selling, but a lot of stuff was in storage and everything in storage was fine. Well, it's weird. So, anyway, but I didn't know that I had a lot of this stuff for years after Katrina and a few years back.
Dani Combs:I've shared this story before, but I'll just give a little short version. A few years back we went to my hometown, to my mom and stepdad's house for Thanksgiving and they had my parents have lots of things. Everybody, if you have older parents, you know sometimes they hold on to things. I'm going to say my mom is a light hoarder. She probably won't like that, I said that, but it's true.
Dani Combs:Anyway, they had several storage units and they were cleaning them out and just so happened, she found these boxes for my sister and I to go through and she was like here, this is for y'all decide what you want. The rest is going in the trash. And we were like it was kind of jarring, to be honest with you, to think, cause we thought all this stuff was gone and then all of a sudden it's thrown in your face and it's like figure out what you want. And it was. It was a lot, and I started going through my diary and a lot of. I started going through it while I was there and I had to just box it away and I waited months to go through it because it kept bringing up so much like icky and hard things. I had to just wait until I was in a better mental place to like go through it.
Dani Combs:So I say all that to say some of this is hilarious and funny and cringy. And nineties have to say some of this is hilarious and funny and cringy, and nineties Like so I can't wait to read you my first entry in my diary.
Katie Parsons:I am so excited. And just so you all know, I have not seen any of it. No, she has no idea what's here.
Dani Combs:No idea, but some of this stuff is really heavy and I honestly had to stop going through my diary when I was going through it yesterday. I was like man, the rest of this, I was in high school and there's a lot going on I was like I don't, I don't want to revisit that and I really don't want to talk about it. So. So I have things kind of labeled and we're just you ready, let's just go, we're just going to go, all right. So this first thing I have is a little short story I wrote. I think I wrote it for school, and it even has its own illustrations.
Katie Parsons:I love it. Okay, wait, so is that Mickey Mouse, a lamp and a ghost?
Dani Combs:Is that what I'm looking at? No, it's a genie. Oh and guys, it's funny. I'll take pictures and I'll put it on our I don't know if you can see it on the camera? Probably not. Oh yeah, a little bit, a little bit, a little bit, all right. So I'll read you the story and then you can maybe figure out the pictures a little better. Are you ready? Yeah, so I want to say this was like I think I was fourth or fifth grade.
Katie Parsons:Uh, probably like tegan's age and I would like to point out it's in cursive. It is in cursive and I had pretty good cursive handwriting.
Dani Combs:It's pretty good they don't teach it anymore, which is so weird. All right, y'all ready. This is a first little short story. So this was about 1989-ish 90 timeframe and it is called If I had a Wish. Oh my gosh, you just won't believe what happened to me the other day. I found a genie and a lamp oh no, not the kind you see in cartoons, a plain old, simple lamp, one of those touch lamps. Oh my God, a touch lamp.
Katie Parsons:Oh yeah, like three different settings. Oh wait, oh okay, sorry, sorry Go.
Dani Combs:You know the kind you touch and the light comes on. Anyway, the way I found this lamp is because my mom bought one for my room. It was really ugly. I turned it on one day and out popped a genie. I mean just like that genie. I mean just like that. Three exclamation points. Yep Boy, was I ever surprised? He said I am Arne, I have no idea what that your magic genie. You may have three wishes. Three wishes, wow. I said well, get on with it. Okay. If I had a wish it would be to have tons of money, I said okay oh, no, oh no no, it's, it's for some reason.
Dani Combs:I thought that genies would say wabula let me look three words. Wabula, that's what you thought they would say I don't know. Okay, All right, and there was money everywhere, Gee whiz. My next wish is to have a homework maker. I said Wabula. He said Next thing, you know, there was a robot right there. Next wish room cleaner. I said I would just like to pause and let everybody know what my priorities were at this time of my life.
Katie Parsons:Yeah, it was money, someone to do your homework, and someone to clean your room, yeah.
Dani Combs:Okay, Wabula, Arne said. And there was another robot. Thanks, Arne, I want to, I said, and I stopped. Suddenly Arne was gone. Well, I tried to get him out of the lamp but he wouldn't come. Well, I was satisfied. If you ever had my life, you'd love it. Please look at my illustrations and explain.
Katie Parsons:Okay. So we've got one robot on his chest it just says homework. And then we've got another robot, identical except his chest it says room clean, room clean. And then Danny, or the main character of the short story, no, that's me with a side ponytail, that's you with a side ponytail and three money bags. So YouTubers, there we go. Okay, those are amazing. They'll be on social too, oh yeah, so anyways. So that was very cute, I liked it.
Dani Combs:Yeah, okay, so that that was just funny and I found it now the rest of the rest of the shit I brought. I was in middle school um the rest of it. That was kind of like right before I went to middle school. Okay, so that was funny.
Katie Parsons:Haha, cute too. Like you said, it shows your pride. Like the priorities. I know I mean I love reading like my kids stuff that they bring home, particularly in elementary school. I guess I don't see their like, yeah, more like high school, middle school stuff as much now, but I always loved reading it, even reports on like people and like their commentary, oh yeah, on whoever they were writing about or why they picked that person, because it does say a lot about, like, what's going on in their minds, yeah, what their priorities are. Um, sometimes you see a glimmer of like something really good and you're like, oh my gosh, they are good people or like they're learning or whatever. Um, it's just, it's kind of fun it is fun that's what I think yours was like very sweet, okay.
Dani Combs:So now I'm gonna take it to a dark place. Well, just like that sort of sort of sort of um, I look, I, I labeled everything with numbers, cause I was like how would, how do I want to like describe all these things. So that was the first one. The second one is hello, I'm a published author. Wait what? Give me that. Yeah, yeah.
Dani Combs:So back in the early 90s there was they would do this every year. It was like um, it's called the anthology of poetry by young americans and they would send stuff to schools. I think, um, I'm trying, I like did I read the explanation and now I just forgot. But they would send stuff to schools and and would submit poetry and then publish it and you could pay like 10 bucks or whatever and whatever, um, yeah. So anyways, I was in sixth grade when when this no old sixth grade, seventh grade, I don't know sixth or seventh grade, mm-hmm, sixth grade, seventh grade, I don't know Sixth or seventh grade, it was in 92. And it was right after my dad died. My dad died very tragically by suicide and obviously when you're in middle school you're going through a lot and then you have a horrible, traumatic event happen, plus a parent dies. It's a lot. So I would like I would do a lot of writing and journaling and all of that kind of thing. And I'm actually super surprised that I turned this poem in, because it's not really about me and it's not long. But I, this is going to be sad and then also funny, because then I'm going to read you just some of the other ones that are in here. But I, this was not long after he died and um, anyways, I'm just going to read it to you. And I and I was 12, 12 years old. It was 1992 when I wrote this. Um, and I want to say my dad died in August of 92. And I think I wrote it like like just a few months after. Okay, so here's what it's called.
Dani Combs:It's called the last goodbye, all right. You hear someone crying. You know someone is dying. You walk into a room filled with darkness and gloom. You hold a young girl's hand and she says I knew that man. She says I loved him, so I couldn't let him go without telling him these words Daddy, I love you. So you look at the girl. You see her brown curls. You see tears falling from her eyes, blue as the big blue sky. You tell her you must go and she tells you. Yes, I know, she tells you. I just wanted to have my last goodbye Dang. Now to read that as an adult makes me be like holy shit, because the hardest thing when you lose someone in a tragic, sudden way is not being able to say goodbye. I don't want to say. It's easier when somebody has a terminal illness or something like that, or if they're very old and it's. You know it's coming, but when it's so sudden and you don't, that is so hard because there's no closure right.
Katie Parsons:Yeah, Like you said, I don't know.
Katie Parsons:I mean I don't know because I haven't suffered something like that, but it doesn't necessarily mean it's easier, it's just a different um a different way, where, where you don't have, like you said, the closure, or you know, as humans we have to warm up to things and we're adaptable beings and so for something like that you don't have the adaptation period Right, right To be to accept, whether you want to or not, that this thing is going to happen. Yeah, and I think that's just a different. Oh, my computer's just dinging, don't mind that. I got an email. Thank you, listeners. I'm sure it was you sending me an email to our Generation In Between podcast at gmailcom.
Katie Parsons:Don't worry, guys, we're going to figure it out. Yeah, I think so. When you were talking about the blue eyes, is that your sister?
Dani Combs:That's what I'm wondering, because I have brown eyes right, so you're talking about both of you. I don't know, like it's so weird Cause I don't. First of all, I don't remember writing this, the weird part about that time in my life and my childhood I some things.
Dani Combs:I remember so clearly other things literally nothing. I can remember the night my dad died, to like so many details, but I don't remember a lot about him, which is weird. Don't worry guys, I've been in therapy for like lots of years and there's lots of reasons for that.
Katie Parsons:Everyone's about to send you crisis line numbers. There's nothing wrong with that, but no, listen, I know.
Dani Combs:I know why that is is because when you're when it's easier, when things cause you pain and you're a child, to block them off and not remember Right. And also, like I was at such like a formative age, you know puberty and changing childhoods, ending, womanhood's beginning, and then your parent dies and it's like what? Like I don't know anyway, but like I hadn't looked at this in a long time and then, like, looking at I was like so obviously I really wanted to say goodbye and I didn't get a chance to and I'm like, okay, why did I say blue eyes?
Katie Parsons:and then I thought the same thing when, as soon as you said that, I was like oh, she's not talking about herself, right, which is kind of sweet, because you were sort of it. You're talking about your experience, but you included your sister in what you're saying. I think that's probably who you're, or did your dad have blue eyes?
Dani Combs:No, yeah, so you're talking about your sister. No, I look just like my dad, but then okay. So there's that poem by 12-Year Danny in this book, but then there's some other gems. Let's shake it up a little, because there's a oh my God, a poem called months by Jesse Sutton, age eight, august and September, beach and school fun and work. Wait, read it again. August and September beach and school fun and work.
Katie Parsons:It's profound.
Dani Combs:So I just oh wait, I'm not done. I'll share a couple more because it's hilarious.
Katie Parsons:That is so funny that you have my like grief-laden poem. And then there's this one. At least they're not literally right next to each other.
Dani Combs:And then there's this other one called Cars, and actually I went to school with this kid. His name's Robbie Green and he was also 12. Some cars go fast, some go slow, some go speeds I don't know. Some are red, some are blue, some are old, some are new. Some cars break down when you least expect it. That may cause a lot of hectic. If they break down on the side of the road, then you would need to get it towed.
Katie Parsons:It sounds like a Dr Seuss book, right? Yeah, I was like that'd be a really cute toddler book. It would be, it would be honestly like fun artwork.
Dani Combs:Mine is just like damn. That's so sad so that we're moving on.
Katie Parsons:That was, that was fun.
Dani Combs:Okay.
Dani Combs:Well, I mean, here's the thing, though. Here's the thing I think. While I was going through this, I was like, damn, some of this is heavy and some is so funny. But I think that's what life is. Life is never just even in grief. Like my family operates in dark humor and sarcasm. That's just like my family, like my birth family and my chosen family and my household. We just do like you and that's just like our way to cope with anything in life is is dark humor and sarcasm, because, yeah, and I think, too, you and I were kind of talking about this before we recorded.
Katie Parsons:I was saying like, especially at our podcast, you know, we look back on things, and a lot of times we look back on things from like the 80s and 90s and it's funny, we're like, oh, my God, remember when we used to do that, and we're like ha, ha, ha, ha, and that's all part of the experience, of course, but like there are deeper things. Oh yeah, there are issues that were going on that sometimes we talk about on this podcast, like you were just saying puberty, losing a parent, grief, but also like growing up and independence and family things. I think sometimes when we look back, we don't always delve back into those difficult and painful things.
Dani Combs:Yeah, and I think it's like the whole, like one thing can exist with the other. You know, absolutely, you can have humor and sadness at the same time. You don't have to just feel. And I think for creative people we live in that space of all the feelings all at once all the time. You don't have to just feel, and I think I think for creative people we live in that space of all the feelings all at once all the time. But for logical thinkers like my husband's a very logical thinker, my oldest is the same it's hard to think. Oh, you can be mad and happy and you know, all of the same, all at once. It's that movie everything everywhere all at once. Yeah, exactly.
Katie Parsons:You know, like you know, I talk about this with my mom and Alzheimer's too. Oh yeah that. One of the more surprising things for me in this journey so far is how light and funny it can be. And I'm not saying we're like making fun of what she's going through.
Katie Parsons:That's not what I mean at all. Like with her, we have fun and she laughs, and sometimes things are silly because like she picks up a pen and is like trying to eat something with it and she laughs, you know so, and it's been a very. The moments of joy in this journey have been very unexpected for me. Yeah, to not make light of it, but like to not be like, oh, it's fun, it's not Right. The overarching thing is a problem and tragic and painful and there's a lot of grief involved. But when those moments of joy crop up there, they're like a bonus, you know, and like it exists because and you know, specifically with things like dementia, there's still whole people, right, of course. So they still are experiencing joy, maybe in a different way, or things that are funny, or the fear or the sadness or the whatever, so kind of what you're saying. It all does exist at once. Yeah, it really does, and it did back in the 80s and 90s. Yeah, and sometimes we forget that.
Dani Combs:All right, Moving right, here we go. We're going to start with some more funny stuff. Okay, so this is my diary. Everyone. I'm going to show it to you. I even wrote down notes of things I had to talk about about the diary before we actually, so here it is All right. I'm showing YouTube. It is hot pink. It's got some cool 90s stuff. I have crap written all over Katie why?
Katie Parsons:don't you just tell me some of the things you see on the cover and back of my diary? So it is hot pink and it's got like those squiggly geometric kind of shapes. Even the word diary is like triangles and squares. It says Danny's Diary in cursive. It says I heart Randy. Yeah, oh, there's going gonna be a whole story about Randy, don't worry. Okay, good, um, there's something x'd out.
Dani Combs:I heart Chad with a big x through it. There's gonna be so many of these I love and I don't um, and then just a stay.
Katie Parsons:I don't stay out, oh, stay out. Oh, it does say stay out.
Dani Combs:You're right, stay on the back, just in case you don't know that a diary is secret I made sure to write it on the back.
Katie Parsons:Top secret and then it says I, absolutely positively. But then it doesn't say anything after that. I have no idea. Fullness, geekazoid, yeah, because geekazoid, who knows I, donekazoid, who knows, I don't know. And then it says, in case we've missed the message so far, giant letters. This is for Dani's eyes only, but the eyes are drawn. Youtube I'm going to show you. Do you see the eyeballs? Yeah, oh man, which? I guess those are eyeballs. Let's hope so. And then it says abso-freaking-lutely. And then it says fly and flip. And then, for some unbeknownst reason, there is a single sticker of a dinosaur dancing with a boombox. I don't know what kind of dinosaur that is.
Dani Combs:I don't know. Anyway, yeah, little piece of 90s fun there for you.
Katie Parsons:There's a lot going on.
Dani Combs:So then, katie, so there's doodles. I was a doodler, obviously. You know I have attention problems. This is very evident when you look at writings and you see my doodles and all the things. Nobody caught on to it because I was a good student, but anyway. So again, on the inside, I have more things about get out of here. The funniest thing, though, is the back, because remember how you said on the inside, I have more things about Get Outta here. The funniest thing, though, is the back, because remember how you said on the front, you saw that I loved several people, and then crossed it out yeah, okay.
Katie Parsons:Oh my God, Look at all these loves. Oh my God, oh my God, we're going to have to post pictures of this. I literally was Okay.
Dani Combs:Part of this is hilarious and part of it's sad, because and part of it's sad because as I was going back through it I realized I it's funny because I had crushes like obvious. I mean, hello, I'm going to show everybody, there's like 60,000. I love so-and-so's and then crossed out and then written again, and then crossed out and then written again. I was so boy crazy. But then I realized I had such a desperate need for approval and acceptance from boys. Now that is because I probably have daddy issues, right, um, and also I have I. It was also hard to read and we'll talk more about it later.
Dani Combs:I had horrible self-confidence. I still do. Katie knows she's a close friend of mine. Um, I never felt comfortable in my body, all these entries, even when I was so young, just body bashes myself and other people. Yeah Right, yeah, um. But anyway, we'll get more on that later. But the other funny thing, katie, these last few pages of my diary, do you remember doing like um letter games where you'd write down the name of your crush and then you like, do this counting thing?
Dani Combs:and then okay so. I had like hundred of these, oh my god, and if I didn't like the results I would do it again. Okay, so really I was, that was my cousin. I, like wrote, did it for her anyway. So there you go. So that's just the beginning of the adventure we're about to take.
Katie Parsons:I'm so excited. I need to know who chad and randy are. Oh, we'll get. Beginning of the adventure we're about to take. I'm so excited. I need to know who Chad and Randy are. Oh, we'll get there, okay.
Dani Combs:So, but we're going to start. When I got this diary, it was the Christmas, I think. I think it was the Christmas after my dad died. Y'all may have seen the picture on our socials of me on Christmas morning with a suede jacket and rollerblades. Have seen the picture in our socials of me on Christmas morning with a suede jacket and roller blades. That was when I got this. What a call. I know this because the first entry are you ready for this? I'm ready, all right. So I wish I would have written the year. I did not write the year, but I know I know it was like 90, probably 92 is my guess. Um date Christmas. You are my new diary.
Dani Combs:I got up at six this morning. I was a little upset at not getting a TCR, which we'll talk about in a second, but I got a suede jacket plus 150 bucks more later, and then I signed my name. Like who the hell's reading this? I just I don't understand. So, okay, a TCR. Katie, do you remember the TVs that had a VCR built into the bottom? Yes, okay, they were really big in the early nineties. My best friend down the street got one and I wanted one so bad. I had a black and white TV in my room without cable. You know the, the rabbit ear, antennas, um, and I wanted one so bad. Well, they were super expensive, like eventually they got to be like whatever, but they were super expensive and I was 12.
Katie Parsons:So like, like, you're not getting that, like nobody's getting that.
Dani Combs:So, okay, you could see, the morning I was very excited. I got my diary, probably wearing my suede jacket, around in South Louisiana at 80 degrees, sweating my face off. So later in the day I come back so sad, okay. Well, now I am mad. Some parts of me have changed greatly, guys, and some have not. Okay, now I am mad. I was dying for a tcr and now I have to use my damn money spelled incorrectly, by the way for one. Tara, though, got exactly what she wanted. Fuck her, that's. That's her sister, by the way. Fuck everyone. It's not fair. Ooh, I got a jacket and rollerblades. She got a stair stepper and a thigh mask. I am so peeved, oh my gosh, guys. Yeah, anyway. So then I go on about this little boy I like that's really stupid. But at the very end I put well, now Tara is being nice more soon.
Katie Parsons:Well, yeah, she's got all those exercise endorphins from the stair stepper and the thigh master.
Dani Combs:My sister getting a stair stepper. That is hilarious. Talk about expensive, but also I think I Tara correct me on this I think it was one of the kinds that wasn't. You remember the kind that was, just I don't. It had like a pump, Like you just like pumped it.
Katie Parsons:It wasn't like oh yeah, it wasn't like. Okay, it wasn't like a gen quality one. You kind of did the work. You know what I mean.
Dani Combs:Yep, I bet it was.
Katie Parsons:I think that's what it was.
Dani Combs:Cause I remember us having one of those, but I don't anyway. But I'm like that's what she asked for for Christmas. I would like a stair stepper and a thigh master, please.
Katie Parsons:Cause she would have been 19 ish, 18 or 19. Yeah.
Dani Combs:Cause she was about to turn 19.
Katie Parsons:Yeah, because like they're weird gifts for like an 11 or 12 year old, but I feel like a young adult. I mean also very telling of the times, of course.
Dani Combs:Well, that's what I mean.
Katie Parsons:Yeah, but like, at least it like sort of makes a little more sense. Yeah, so here I was pissed off because you didn't get a TCR, but she's over here stair-stepping and thigh-mastering her way to greatness. How dare she.
Dani Combs:I have to watch my VCR tapes in the living room. Okay, lame, very lame, oh my God, hilarious. Okay, so that's funny, all right. Okay, so this was crazy. I do not remember this at all and I'm gonna share this with you guys. So this was probably. This was. That was December. This was January, january 31st, same year. Guess what, after two weeks, me and Wendy made up oh cause, by the way, girls have drama at this age, so constant entries of who I was fighting with, who was my best friend, who I would never talk to again, and then, two entries later, I'd be like we're best friends again. Okay, right, um, another. This is so crazy. Another riot is starting. Heads versus rappers. Eric Bartlett even got jumped. It is so scary. I forgot to tell you I got a perm.
Katie Parsons:So someone got beat up, but, more importantly, I received a perm.
Dani Combs:I was like, oh shit, I remember that perm. Oh guys, Okay, so I'm sitting there and I was like a riot. What Then? I remembered when I was in middle school there was a huge problem with big group fights, but I was like heads, what the hell is that? What is a heads? And then I was thinking, oh, I think that's what.
Dani Combs:like we called, like the um, like the headbangers uh, I bet that's it and I was like, well, that's more like kind of a race thing that I don't think I picked up on yeah Right Heads versus rappers and I was like, oh my God. So just, I mean, I've I've shared before. I grew up in South Louisiana, not far from new Orleans but across the lake. Um, I went to public school, it, I, it was, but I was like dang, but anyway. So that's just a little bit of how a middle school brain works. I was scared because people were getting jumped, but also I got a perm, so it wasn't all bad Okay. So that was just funny.
Dani Combs:I had a question mark on that little thing. So I was like what the hell was I talking about? Okay, this one I have documented. The first time I smoked a cigarette as a teenager. Wow, yeah, I was 13. Wow, yeah, gross. Okay. So I marked that because, like, see my little face, I have a. I have this little face written as just eyes and a little straight mouth. Because, yeah, so this was in May.
Dani Combs:I want to say I wasn't real good about keeping like being consistent writing, like Katie's super good about like intentionally writing on a regular basis. I am so sporadic, which I guess checks, but so I would go like months without writing anything and then I'd go back. So I want to say this was like the following year and, um, it was in May. And remember, guys, this is the early nineties latchkey kids All me and all my friends were from divorce.
Dani Combs:Most of us were from divorce families. We were all alone a lot, and I'm not saying that, not, there weren't kids who were trustworthy, but a lot of us were from divorced families. We were all alone a lot, and I'm not saying that, not, there weren't kids who were trustworthy, but a lot of us were getting into trouble. So here it was. Oh my God, I am so shocked. At 3 50 PM, me, jen and Alicia sorry girls if I'm throwing y'all under the bus went in my backyard and smoked and I put it wasn't that bad. Now, why we did that, how we got I think I think Alicia's mom smoked, so I think we probably stole her cigarettes. How we got away with that in my backyard, I have no idea. Well, we weren't, nobody was there. So I was like, okay, and then three weeks later, me, jen and Kelly smoked. So I documented every time I smoked a cigarette for a really long time, and then, by the time I was like 15, I was like regularly smoking.
Katie Parsons:I didn't Maybe I did know that. Yeah, yeah, I did know that Because you smoked through college.
Dani Combs:I did. I didn't quit smoking until Troy and I started seriously dating when I was in my early 20s, early twenties, and meanwhile I was still singing and all the things, and I had vocal surgery when I was 19,. Probably should have quit then. Yeah, did I. No, I smoked for three more years after that, which is so stupid and dumb. If I could rewind time, I would go back and never let myself have a cigarette.
Katie Parsons:It's wild that it ended up turning into a habit, an addiction, and you're, yeah, an addiction and you have it documented here, because I know there's a page in a diary of mine about smoking or something, but I've never been a regular smoker, so that's isn't that weird.
Katie Parsons:It's weird and it's also like addiction is so, and obviously we're not experts on this and we won't get too in the weeds, but it's so interesting. It is Like I don't mean that in like a light way, but how people can have the same experience but then the addiction journey looks so different for someone else, even within families, like, even within my family, like. But it's interesting though, because sometimes I'll notice like, um, I, I, maybe I'm oversensitive, but like an addictive pattern. You know, like I've stopped drinking this year because I was like I'm doing it just as a habit and as a coping mechanism, which doesn't make me an alcoholic or doesn't even make that wrong, but because I know of patterns in my genetic pool. It was enough to make me go. I need to break this, and it doesn't mean I can't ever have a glass of wine again, but it just means like this habit could take me down a path I don't want to go down, and I've seen it happen.
Dani Combs:Well, you know I've talked before. You know my sister is a recovering addict and I also, like our. I feel like everybody in our family has some kind of addiction pattern Mine, I was a smoker, but then I was an obsessive exerciser, like I was addicted. I've been there too to exercise.
Dani Combs:And I it's, I've been there too to exercise and I it's exactly what you say, and you have to be so aware. And even with drinking, I have to sometimes pay attention and be like, oh, okay, let's pull back. Um, because when you have addiction around you and you also see the destruction, I think you can recognize it a lot better than, but sometimes you don't want to, right, because you always want to validate oh, what is, it's not that like, it's not like as bad as whatever, but I don't know. I mean, and nicotine, guys, is just like. I mean caffeine, I feel like, is just as addictive as nicotine or sugar or whatever, but like, once that gets up in your blood system on a regular basis, it's, it's true, like it is it is a nightmare and with anything, really how?
Katie Parsons:did you end up quitting Like what was your path?
Dani Combs:Well, first, first, so, like Troy and I started dating and then I was still smoking and Troy here's the thing. Troy is a prior smoker as well. He also was like he's a dip, um, but he had quit, you know, years before we started dating and every now and then he would have like a social cigarette, because that's when we were in our early 20s and going out and whatever. But, um, he had been like totally quit for a long time. So when we first started dating, he didn't like it, but you. So when we first started dating, he didn't like it, but you know, but when we started seriously dating, he like we like, we're like chatting, and he's like, I mean, do you have any intention to quit this habit?
Dani Combs:And I was like, well, yeah, like one day, cause no, anybody who's a smoker doesn't ever think they're going to be a lifetime smoker. You just think, oh, I'll stop at this point or or maybe this point. And I was like, oh, yeah, eventually, I don't know. And he was like, well, he's like I don't, I don't remember how he said it, but basically it was like, if we want to be serious, like that's kind of a deal breaker for me, which is totally, totally fair and I at first I was like well, whatever, no man can tell me what to do, like it's my body.
Katie Parsons:Also fair, which is facts, yeah.
Dani Combs:But also like but then I had this real. So for a while I was just like, whatever, I'm going to do what I want. But then I was like, really I'm going to give up this great guy who's so good for this nasty habit that I need to stop.
Katie Parsons:Anyway, right, anyway, right. It's not him being like. I think you should wear these clothes or do this thing.
Dani Combs:It's him actually dangerous habit, feeling concerned for you, and it's gross and it smells and it's gross and it takes up money and time, and I then I stink and then like, anyway, so I so I was like, okay, um, uh, so it was like a very gradual process. I would I like quit, like quit, and then like I would he'd be at work or something and I would like have a sneak, sneak pack of cigarettes. But then I was like, okay, this is so dumb, Like. And then finally I was I mean, I just grew up pretty much and I was like, okay, be done.
Dani Combs:And then for years after that it would be really hard for me. That was what I was going to ask. But now I hate it. I can't stand to be around cigarettes. And it's funny because the other night we were hanging out with some friends outside and, um, one of them was smoking and they like removed themselves but she, she had like started walking closer and we were like like back up and I was like I cannot stand to smell it and I was being so dramatic. And but I was like that's why, Because I just gross, Like it's weird how your brain can like love something so much and then flip over and be like bleh.
Katie Parsons:And I think there's a cultural thing there too, oh yeah, where you know, 80s and 90s and even early 2000s, we were still going into indoor spaces that had smoking, whether it was the whole thing or smoking areas, and so like, if I smell smoke now it is jarring to me because I never do.
Dani Combs:Right and you're in places where it just doesn't happen. We used to go on airplanes where people would smoke.
Katie Parsons:Remember, I mean, think about that. That's so gross, it's like recycled air, and I just think, in general, we were more used to it. Yeah, even if we weren't smokers like my grandparents smoked I'd go over there and spend the night, you know whereas, like now, unless you are a smoker or in a household with a smoker, you're really not ever around it. Which is such a great, which is fantastic.
Dani Combs:Like it's hard to be a smoker nowadays because I think it's hard to get places where you can have it, but anyway, so smoking, yay, got that documented, so that's fantastic. Um, that's not all I have documented in here, but I'm not going to go into all that, okay. So, um, let me see. Oh my God, okay. So I have to share this because two things are funny about this story. Number one I told y'all that I was a psycho and used to write love letters to people and mail them with a stamp which I still can't believe.
Dani Combs:I told people but fine, it's whatever, because we have heard from other people that they used to do weird shit like that too, so it's fine. Number one that's going to relate to the story. Second, back in the early nineties, country line dancing was on fire.
Dani Combs:I used to go every Friday night to this local Catholic church because I had this big gym and I think it was like five bucks and you go and you just. They would teach you all the dances and then you do them, and it was a place where a lot of teenagers went because it was like the end thing to do and it was so much fun. So I had this group of friends and and and our parents were like dropping us off at a church to dance and have Coke and like then they'd pick us up like hello, hello, um, and there was this boy I had a crush on and I we kind of had like a back and forth um for a while, if I remember, if I remember correctly, um, but I think that he, I think I think what ended up happening from my written down memories that he did like me, but I think he didn't like me as much as I liked him.
Katie Parsons:Fair, fair, and sometimes you maybe don't realize that till you're reading back some of the details. As a person, I think.
Dani Combs:Anyway, also, this tells you how old I was, because it was the summer before my eighth grade year. So I was, I was young, cause I started school at five, so I guess I was about to turn 13. Okay, so that means I smoked a cigarette at 12 everyone, so that's lovely.
Katie Parsons:No 13.
Dani Combs:I don't know Whatever. No, let's see how old are you in eighth grade 12 or 13.
Katie Parsons:No 13 or 14 in eighth grade. So I have a seventh grader who's 12, going on 13.
Dani Combs:I think I was. I think I was 12 turning 13, and then I turned 14, my freshman year of high school. Okay, no, that's wrong.
Katie Parsons:In November.
Dani Combs:Because I graduated in 98. It doesn't matter, whatever I hate math, okay, it doesn't matter. I was still young. You were too young to be smoking. Yeah, okay. So four more days till eighth grade. I guess I am disappointed. On Friday night, evan didn't talk to me except when we did the barn dance. No fucking clue what that is Except when we did the barn dance.
Dani Combs:No, fucking clue what that is. All he said was how many letters are you going to write me, girl? And he smiled. Oh my God, why did I think that was like a good thing, Like he was probably like you're a psycho, but he was trying to be nice. Yeah, cringe, oh my God, and that's literally the only thing he said to you oh, and we think during the barn dance, during the barn dance, which who knows what. That is Okay, so now we're going to talk about, since we're on crushes.
Dani Combs:Let me tell you the little story about how I have um all this, all these like little I love so-and-so. So you saw, on the front it said I love Randy. Okay, so I don't know if he'll ever hear this. I think we're still friends on social media but I haven't talked to this child in years. Nice guy he's still. I think he still lives down there. He's a tattoo artist. But Randy and I went to middle school and high school together. Okay, cause I lived in the same place. We had crushes on each other off and on, like our whole time. What I really? I don't really think we liked each other. I think we were just friends, like I think we just liked each other as people but we just didn't know that. You know, like platonic friendships when you're young or weird, like you don't know how to navigate because you're having like sexual feelings and like I don't know.
Dani Combs:Yeah, I think like looking back like why do I have all these crushes on him?
Katie Parsons:And I was like I think, maybe I just thought he was a great person, I don't know and you thought that equaled yeah Crush yeah.
Dani Combs:I don't know. We had a back and forth diary of oh I love randy. Now again, oh, we broke up. Oh me and randy, blah, blah, blah. It's hilarious. So I was like how many times did we like go out and break up and all these funny things. But anyway, hey, randy, what's? Up, hey, randy randy keeler is his name. If anybody hears this, tell me.
Katie Parsons:If you need a tattoo doing well, go see r.
Dani Combs:Yeah, I think the name of his tattoo parlor is no Kings. I think no Kings. He's a super great artist, great artist. Okay, anyway, it was just funny because I forgot that. I was like oh yeah, me and Randy Keeler had a thing for off and on.
Katie Parsons:To be fair, when you were just describing that, that's how I feel about my college boyfriend. Oh, there you go like forever that like looking back now or not even that long after we finally like broke up and stuff and we like moved to florida together like everything, yeah, and then broke up and then but um, but here I am so there you go there's a reason.
Katie Parsons:There's a reason. But like he, him and I same thing, I'm like, yeah, he was just a really great guy and nice and there was nothing wrong with him and he thought I was nice and we ran in the same circles. But, like, when I look back, I'm like I don't know that I ever, like, was attracted to him or him to me. I don't know. It was just like, yeah, this makes sense and I like being around this person. And it wasn't until later that I was like eh, that wasn't really, yeah, a romantic relationship.
Dani Combs:Which, to be fair, when you're dating, that's what should happen. You should figure it out, like you should date a bunch of people and be like, oh yeah, like this person, because I think sometimes when you feel comfortable with someone, you confuse that with especially not to be dark again, especially if you don't have a very good foundation to work from. Of safe relationships or, like I already had, issues with men and daddy issues and all the things. So I think I would just latch on God. That sounds so gross, it sounds so bad.
Katie Parsons:but no, it's, it's, it's okay. I know what you mean. Okay, what's?
Dani Combs:next. This is where this is the last thing I'm going to read from my diary because, um, I had some entries from eighth grade. It gets towards the end of eighth grade and then I go into high school and I'm just going to tell you guys, things get a lot more like heavy and intense and graphic and like. I don't want to share it, it's just. That's just for you. You don't need to know this. But here's something that crushed me when I was reading through um. How many times I me when I was reading through um, how many times I wanted to be in a different body and how many times people made fun of my body that I would write about.
Dani Combs:Um, even friends of mine. I can remember a sleepover I was at one time they thought I was asleep, like you know. It was like it was, like you know, nineties, eighties, nineties sleepover. We were all in one big like rec room and they were talking about how bad I was and how ugly I was and like these are supposed to be your friends.
Dani Combs:And so I just remember like I was in my and I remember just covering my head and just crying myself to sleep. That's terrible, I know. And then the next morning we get up and everybody's just whatever. And I had to sit there and eat breakfast with everyone thinking you guys were just like you're my friend, like it was. It was terrible anyway. So I told you we're going to some of this shit's hard. So seeing this over and over and over again would just I. It made me so sad and like look, look, all caps that says I wish I was skinny. Right, I'll show you. And there was some stuff going on in my life with like boys and like I even had boys tell me they didn't like me because I was fat.
Katie Parsons:So it's all very, very, very bothersome, yeah, but also like just having you know children this age. Now I I don't want to stereotype and say girls, but I see it more in the girls than my son there's still I don't I don't want to say it's developmentally appropriate to not like your body but I think it's maybe of place maybe, maybe both.
Katie Parsons:Yeah, like the environmental side of it, where you're made to not like your body, whether that's literal friends or society or culture or media. But there's also the like I don't like my body. That's inherent, yeah and wanting something else yeah you, you feel weird, you look weird Like you just do.
Dani Combs:Just do for a while, yeah, but it's just so sad because we did not in the early nineties there was not this positive body image stuff that we now granted. We have it now, but we have so far to go, guys. I mean, but we weren't seeing representation of other people's bodies. This was the time of heroine chic models. This was the time of, you know, the supermodels, the Cindy Crum, I mean all the TV stars. Everybody you saw was the skinny, white, beautiful lady.
Dani Combs:Yes, that is true, and so I grew up in a house. My body developed in a very different way than my sister, and my sister is seven years older than me, right? And she was this naturally platinum blonde, yes, straight. This was back in the time of the stick straight hair. Her hair is naturally stick straight. Mine used to have a lot of curl. It kind of fell out the older I got, um, and I had this Brown, frizzy hair. I just and I'm, I'm, we're all short in my family but I am stockier, if that makes sense. Now for me as a personal trainer. Now that works well, cause I build muscle very quickly. But my sister was smaller and I'm seeing, and my mom was super little and cute and like they didn't struggle the way I did with certain things, and I was growing up in this house where I was just seeing all this, and then, anyway, there's a lot.
Dani Combs:So this entry and this is where I'm going to stop here Um, I made an oath to myself and I would do this a lot. I wrote I, dani Michelle Thompson, on this date, october 15th 1993. I was not even 13 yet. I don't think yeah, cause I turned 13 in November 1127 PM. I hereby solemnly swear to lose 10 pounds in the next three months. Yeah, I now weigh 120 pounds.
Katie Parsons:Oh my God, hereby solemnly swear to lose 10 pounds in the next three months. Yeah, I now weigh 120 pounds, oh my God. Also, if you're 12 going on 13, you shouldn't be losing, right? You know this, listeners know this. You are growing.
Dani Combs:Yeah, and to be honest with you guys, I was probably around the same height that I am now, Like I'm five. I'm five two. I probably wasn't much shorter and I weigh much over 120 pounds these days. And I mean, granted, I had the baby fat that we all have, you know, um. But I look back at pictures and I remember thinking I was just so big and I wasn't. I was a normal looking kid. Well, I don't want to say normal, but I was a just a kid.
Katie Parsons:You were right and, that being said, like children have children and adults have different body shapes and being in a bigger body, there's nothing wrong with that.
Dani Combs:Absolutely, and that is something I really wish you know we would have had back then was, I think, if I would have seen, you know, people in bigger bodies, in the media, which I hate to say because the media shouldn't define you, but it really does make a difference. It makes a difference To see that. Okay, so what? Like, if I'm in whatever body I'm in, like you can be beautiful and successful and happy and healthy. Hello, yes, no matter what your body size is, but anyway. So we're going to move on. I don't want to linger too long there, yeah, also, another funny thing is I had a lot of ripped pages out of my diary.
Katie Parsons:Oh my gosh you're right, what is happening?
Dani Combs:I don't know, don't know, I forever and oh. Also, like what's it say? My mom? Oh my god, this is so bad I was. I was an asshole of a teenager for a while, as we all become. She had this boyfriend and it wasn't. It was when I was like. I was like I was in. Obviously it was in middle school. No, this was by the time I was in high school when I dated, who ended up being her fiance, and then it fell through. But he had a little kid who was the biggest brat in the entire world. I hope he's doing well now. He was six years old. He's from a divorced family. He had a lot going on, but I could not stand him and they used to like force me to do things with him. So on one page I put AJ is an asshole and a brat. It's like the whole page.
Katie Parsons:He's six years old guys, Right, right, I am guessing. Hopefully, fingers crossed, he is not an asshole and a brat any longer. He was just six years old, and I mean he had a heart, but also your feelings are valid, but also you wrote them in your diary Cause you felt them, yeah, and that's okay.
Dani Combs:We're going to move on now to some poetry. Let's do it. Uh the, uh the. The diary is away. Like I said, some of these are cringe, Some of them are hilarious. But I found a poem I wrote for my sister, and I don't know when I did, because my sister and I, you know, we have a big age gap and we weren't very close until we were older, which makes sense and it's fine. But anyway, um, I don't want to read that. I don't know why I put that in here. Yeah, we're not reading that.
Dani Combs:So what we're going to talk about is, I found all these poems that I've typed on a typewriter. I had this electric typewriter that I loved so much which, by the way, guys, that's how we used to have to write papers and all the things for school. But I am a really fast typer and I I seems like you probably are too. I am, yeah, and I used to like typing was my favorite class because I was so good and I was so fast and I used to love to type things on my typewriter like the sound and just the.
Katie Parsons:I did the same thing Like you know like just that feeling of I wrote stories and poems, yeah, and I think I'm sure it was electric too. Very quick side note my great aunt, who I was really close to. I have her old typewriter from like the 40s.
Dani Combs:That's fun.
Katie Parsons:Obviously I don't use it, but I like right now I have it in storage because I want to like kind of put it on display or have it on a desk somewhere and I just haven't had like a spot. I feel comfortable with it there. Yet it's beautiful, that's so cool, so I may type like a single thing on it just to have it Like oh, maybe I'll write a poem. Just kidding you should, are you a poem writer? So yes, but I think the last time I've written a poem was probably 15 years ago, but I wrote a lot through my teen years.
Katie Parsons:I took several classes in college on it and then I even as like a young adult and like as a single parent. I wrote a lot of them, yeah.
Dani Combs:I am weird. I go through like years where I write a lot but I don't share my poems anymore. They're there. There's for me, guys.
Katie Parsons:So just for you. As you can see, I'm very skilled in my stories, okay, so I have.
Dani Combs:So some of my like typewriter ones. I have like funny, funny shit to share, to share, oh, okay, oh, I have funny things to share. And then I have like some cringe because, as you can see, this is heavy and light.
Katie Parsons:Okay, katie is getting a wire, something's going on, oh, her computer was dying yeah, I don't know why I didn't think of that before, but now we good. Okay, we got it, but where's my headphones?
Dani Combs:don't worry guys it's okay, we can edit that out too if we need to. We could although now we're on YouTube. So, no, we can't just lying.
Dani Combs:Okay, you get to see all the things I was in high school when I had my electric typewriter, so this is between the years of 94 and 98, everyone, okay, all right, so here's, this is a good one. This could be a Hallmark card. You ready? Oh, I'm ready. You're going to love this, because it's about music. Oh, this is, I think, when I started like really singing. I was in show choir and all the things, and this is when I used to be able to sing way differently than I do now. Okay, a song is like a raindrop that twinkles in the dew. It makes you feel fresh, a soul set and new. A song is like a hug that fills you up with glee. It makes you feel warm, a gift for you, to us or me. A song is like a river that goes on far and wide, makes you feel so good and refreshed, deep inside love that.
Katie Parsons:That is what a song is like for real. I need a copy of that, oh god okay um, so this is.
Dani Combs:This actually is a handwritten poem and this is about my sister and I think I may have like, given her this, I don't know. I'm going to read it and then I'm going to text her later and ask her, and I'll keep y'all LA on the next time this one might make you cry, cause you do have daughters and sisters who are sisters, who are sisters. Yes, okay, I know she'll always be there Whenever I happen to call. I know she'll help me up if I ever happen to fall. I know I'll always need her, no matter what may be, because she is the greatest cyst that has ever come to me. I know we will always fight, but we always seem to make up. I get to see her every so often, but that just isn't enough. I know I used to be a brat and we were so far apart, but now we're older and closer and she's always close to my heart. She lives so far away from me yet I know she can't help it. She goes to school and has a life the same for me, but her I won't forget that kind of fell apart there.
Dani Combs:My sister is so important to me and I love her just so much. She is the best and will always be my heart. She'll always touch her strength and courage I envy, but under them I stand. She is so strong so I follow. She makes me say yes, I can. Oh, she has been through a lot, and I guess so have I, but her spirit is strong and it always seems to try. My sister is the best to me and I will love her always. She will always be here and she never leaves me. If she did, I don't know what I would ever happen to do. This is, my soul would die and my spirit too, because my sister is how they grew. Oh, that is so sweet.
Katie Parsons:I don't remember writing this You're like and did it happen. It must've. It's my handwriting, it did, and.
Dani Combs:I it's crazy because I definitely feel that now as a, as an adult and the you know we're both in our, in our 40, well, she's 50. Um, I definitely feel that now, but I remember I guess probably cause when I was a teenager is when I we probably really started to like, you know, click and stuff.
Katie Parsons:So, oh, yeah, that's encouraging. I feel like my kids are all close. But when they especially the girls if there's like infighting, yeah, um, I will always remind them. There's like a little joke, because I don't have sisters, I know, yeah and so, but I have four girls, right. So I'm always like, okay, the universe like paid me back, you know, and. And now I don't have sisters, but I have this presence, yeah, um. But when they get into arguments or whatever, like some people don't even have sisters, like me, so I don't want to hear it and like at this point, they like just rolled their eyes.
Dani Combs:So like we know there's probably days that they're like I wish I didn't have it Right. They're like lucky you. I know it's funny, but anyway I know that's so sweet. So, everybody out there, love your siblings. And I will say to all the parents cause it used to my mom, and I will say to all the parents cause it used to my mom she used to try to force us to bond and you just can't. You know, you can't force your kids to bond, they just have to. It has to happen generically. And she used to make us feel so bad about it. She used to be like I don't know why you girls like aren't closer, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But we just weren't. It's just the way our life was. But anyway, so all you parents out there who might have kids who are farther apart in age because it can be a little more difficult, it's hard, yeah, just have hope because, see, sometimes they'll write or they're close in age and they fight all the freaking time.
Katie Parsons:You know it's, it's your. I like what you said about that, though, because sometimes I feel like the pressure to like fix it Right, and you just can't. You just can't, you just can't. They'll find their way.
Dani Combs:Okay, so I only have a couple more things to share and then we're done. I know y'all love this so much. I know they do, I know I do. She's like I know they do. Oh, I love it. Okay, obviously, like I. Honestly, I'll be real with you guys. I had a hard time finding stuff that wasn't super dark and heavy, like I had a lot guys, I don't know. I feel like I was an Eeyore for a long time but I hid it. I think it's weird because I feel like I've always been a very genuine, authentic person, but I think I was really good at masking too. So it's really weird as an adult to look back on your teenage stuff like this. It's really weird because you can see stuff now in hindsight that you didn't then, anyway. So here's a poem about my typewriter.
Katie Parsons:Oh, for something totally different.
Dani Combs:Not really, because you'll understand why I'm saying this. Okay, sometimes I feel lonely, sometimes I feel sad and sometimes, when I look at myself, I look really bad. But I always have a typewriter and a typing paper in a pad. Do you remember buying the pads of typewriting paper? Yes, um, and when I write, I end up being not so sad. They can't laugh and say stuff to my face, they can't joke and make me a basket case. I can look at myself now and see a winner and I don't need anyone telling me I'm a quitter.
Katie Parsons:I love that because writing is that way it is. It is it is. It makes you feel good about yourself, for sure, okay, this one is sad and funny at the same time Are you ready? Okay, I'm ready.
Dani Combs:I don't. Okay, all right, my name is Danny. I am different. I have a guy's name. It is unique. I don't have a dad. He is dead. Oh wait, he died a long time ago. Okay, just three years. I miss him a lot. My sister is at college. I miss her too. My mom is cool, but she works and takes care of me. I miss her too. I have a lot of friends. I love them like a lot, but I miss them too. This is the weirdest final line to this poem. Okay, I guess that I just miss the fact of missing what.
Katie Parsons:I feel like it was like sort of a journal entry about where everyone's at in life and then the end was like you overthinking, like a clever ending, like I do that when I write, still, but I definitely did it when I was younger when I thought I was being like super clever, and then I'll read back over things now and I'm like huh, what?
Dani Combs:Okay, so this is my final entry, and then we'll let you share any cringy things I brought a single cringy thing. I cannot wait. Uh, but don't worry, katie's going to have an entire episode divided to her cringy stuff when she gets it.
Katie Parsons:I cannot, I can't wait for that. I'm so inspired now.
Dani Combs:I am so glad because I have a paper I wrote in my senior year AP English class. I was a month away from graduation and I loved this class. Ms Martin was her name. Everybody who had her loved her. She was fantastic. She has moved on to better pastures now. Oh, my God, she was on a cow, sorry. She moved on to better things in life. Geez, maybe she likes pastures. I'll tell you one of the memories I have of her. That just shows what kind of teacher she is Great. Okay, I'll tell you really quick. Then I'll read this.
Dani Combs:I was a weird kid, as we all know. I had big feelings, I had all things. I had a very serious boyfriend in high school. We dated for like a year and a half, which is a big deal. That's a long time. Yeah, it was my fault. We broke up. Yes, everybody can write that down. I don't know if I ever told people that in real life. It was hugely my fault because, uh, we were. We were on a break on spring break and I made out with another guy and lied about it when we got back together and then the guy told him and it was. So we broke up, as we should, because nobody needs to be a liar Like hello, yeah, but also we were on a break.
Katie Parsons:Yeah.
Dani Combs:But still, I lied about it, I lied about it, I lied Right. I mean, he shouldn't have broken up. Also, you were a teenager, also I was 16 years old, it's fine.
Dani Combs:Anyway, but the day we broke up, we broke up right before school and I had to go to school all day Cause, like in my house you did not miss school, Like you were not allowed to, like you never miss school and I had already gotten in trouble for skipping school that year. So, like my ass was like on the line. I just had to make it. And I remember going to this English class and I cried all day. Guys Like I just you know, when you have that first heartbreak and it feels like your world is shattered. Plus, it was like this we had all the same friends. So everybody was picking sides. Obviously they should have picked his cause. I was wrong, but I had really gross things said about me and people were being really mean.
Dani Combs:And I think I had one friend who was like trying to help me through it and it was very awful and I cried all day. I cried all day. I remember going to Ms Martin's class and she was teaching and I'm just, I'm silently crying, like I mean tears just pouring onto my desk like just buckets.
Dani Combs:But I'm sitting there taking notes Like I'm trying I'm trying to keep my shit together Cause I'm like I got to get good grades and she's lecturing. Lecturing. As she's talking, she walks by her desk, grabs a box of Kleenex and just comes and drops it on my desk, never, never, misses a beat. She did not call attention to me, but she made me feel seen and made me feel like it was okay and that like those things kids remember teachers. So thank you for doing that. I wish I could have told her thank you, but yeah, I will never forget that because I could not, I couldn't get my life together anyway. So that was Ms Martin, and here is we had. She gave us all these topics to write about and we had it was like this one assignment I'm not reading the other ones because they're stupid. Well, I mean, they weren't stupid assignments but they're done but this we had to write about a dream we had. Okay, this was a recurrent dream I had. I forgot about until I read this and it's creepy.
Dani Combs:Oh, I'm here for it. Okay, I will always remember a dream I had about my neighborhood. I do not exactly recall when I had this dream or how old I was, but I have always remembered it very vividly. It starts off with me walking down the sidewalk on the left side of my street. It was a beautiful summer day. The sun was shining, the grass was fresh and cut, there were no clouds in the sky and I could hear birds chirping. I was almost to my house, like one house away, when I couldn't move. It was like I was completely frozen. I opened my mouth to scream because I was so frightened, but nothing could come out.
Dani Combs:Then, all of a sudden, the gorgeous summer day started to change. Although in front of me it was still a beautiful day, behind me it was dark and cloudy. I could hear lightning and it felt like nighttime. It was like there were two totally different atmospheres in front of me and one behind me. It was like there was a line separating the two and I was the line. I tried to move so I could go into the sunlight, but I still couldn't move. I then saw a shadow on the sidewalk in front of me of someone behind me walking towards me very quickly. It kept getting closer and closer and I couldn't do anything. That is all I can remember about the dream. I do not know what was behind me or what happened. I have always remembered that dream because it terrified me so badly. Being helpless was the scariest part, and I will never forget it.
Katie Parsons:Wow, that's good writing.
Dani Combs:I know right.
Katie Parsons:You're a good writer. It was really good. I got an A on that. Um, what are her notes?
Dani Combs:I see she wrote she wrote notes as she, well, this one was about, uh, verb usage, oh. And the other one she wrote strange dream, but um, I this other one I wrote, I'm not reading it, but, um, we had to write about memories and I wrote about Sunday mornings and it was. It was basically about my, my, my dad was super involved in church and like how it la, la, la la and of course it talks about him passing away. But what she wrote on the bottom? She wrote great descriptions and feeling you didn't know this, I'm sure, but my husband and I knew your mom and dad through Kiwanis, oh, kiwanis Club, and I didn't know that.
Katie Parsons:Oh, wow.
Dani Combs:Yeah, I had no idea that my dad was super involved in the community.
Katie Parsons:Yeah.
Dani Combs:So it adds up A lot of people knew him, yeah, but anyway yeah. So she would always write notes Like she made and then like she made, you feel seen, yeah, like on the other one she wrote adorable, I loved it. But you need to name the speakers.
Katie Parsons:It's like a little bit of criticism but also, but that's a good teacher.
Katie Parsons:And maybe I'll be able to find it. But I had a paper in college, to your point, about teachers. So there's a professor, I guess. But the short version is I went to college for musical theater, ended up switching majors like halfway through my sophomore year to English, creative writing, because I thought I was a horrible actress and all the things. Ended up still getting a degree in musical theater because I was like far enough along that I just finished my path but like at that point shifted direction.
Katie Parsons:I was like, okay, I'm going to do English and I don't know, be a writer, be a journalist, I have no idea, which I did end up doing. But it was a little tumultuous for me because I was like basically breaking up with the thing I really wanted to do, but away from, like you know, away from home, and like my good, good friends weren't in theater English, they didn't really understand and I guess I felt a little alienated from my community that I thought I had and just all the things that we go through when these things happen. And I did a piece on um. It was actually about body image in the media, isn't that interesting? And I was talking about different things in it.
Katie Parsons:I bet I could find it, cause I kept it for a long time, um, and my professor, I I like mentioned, like Jennifer Aniston, like this was like 2002, 2003 when I was writing this.
Katie Parsons:Um, he wrote like in my margins. He's like wow, katie, you need to be a published writer, you're an amazing writer. And I remember that. And it actually made me feel like you could like, like I could do it, and also like, like again, you don't need outside validation. But to your point, I felt seen, could do it. And also like, like again, you don't need outside validation. But to your point, I felt seen, you feel seen. And the reason I had switched majors in the first place is because I didn't feel seen in the thing I was doing. And then it's even like oh, am I doing the right thing? And then for someone who didn't know any of that to be like you better keep writing yeah, meant a lot, yeah, and it was just like a sentence in red pen on the side of my thing yeah, you know, it's just, it's really really great. And that encourages me as someone who interacts with young people.
Dani Combs:Yeah.
Katie Parsons:Right, if you see it, say it.
Dani Combs:Yeah, you never know, like I feel like honestly in life, it's the little things that make the biggest difference. It really is. It's like I know you're kind of the same way. I like to encourage people, and I don't ever not say it Like if somebody, even if it's somebody who you're like, well, everybody tells them they're good, right, I always make sure, like especially like doing shows with people like we need encouragement because, hello, performers are the biggest inner critics ever and we're all, even the people who blow it out of the park every time still are like oh God, I just sucked, I just messed up, right. Like I just feel like those little things are what matters. Like somebody will remember if you gave them a hug when they were sitting off by themselves crying and nobody else noticed, right, they're going to remember that.
Dani Combs:That's true, I remember my teacher just dropping off Kleenex on my desk because I couldn't get my shit together. I mean, on the flip side, people will also remember if you're a huge asshole on a day, absolutely you know like. I had one teacher who hated me and I will never forget how he spoke to me. It was a math teacher. I'm really bad at math, it's just my brain. I just have a hard time with math. And he made me feel like the dumbest person in the world, like dumb and no business being a teacher.
Katie Parsons:Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, that's such a great reminder. Yeah, like those things don't change, no Right. Like that human interaction and that just being observant and not to be like this person, oh yeah. But I think, like we in modern society, we are so easily isolated, isolated we are even in a room full of people, everybody's on their phone and I don't know that there's anything like like last night we had a break at rehearsal and I just needed to like not interact with people for a couple minutes because I just needed that decompress and I just needed to like see if my kids texted me and and I looked around and everyone's like interacting and chatting and I was just like it's okay, I need these five minutes for me. But, like, that being said, sometimes it's more like our go-to, like not a chosen thing, and I know you hate that. You've mentioned it before. So I just think it's such a good reminder that if we can like look up sometimes yeah, even if it's not all the time, look up and look out, look out.
Katie Parsons:Because I think a lot of times we focus so much in Of course yeah, we forget to look around and like, especially nowadays with phones especially- yeah, but anyway, wow, well, that was really fun and deep and a good reminder that like it's funny but also it's deep, but also like the feelings we had then are valid and the feelings we have now are valid and our younger selves probably needed a giant hug and a box of tissues dropped off at our desk and a perm and a TCR Damn it. Well, yeah, fuck everyone. I know that's what you said, everyone. I was so mad, so mad on christmas on.
Dani Combs:You wrote that guys in your diary I was like all right, you get like rollerblade. And my poor mom all I got was a suede jacket, rollerblade and 150, and my poor mom was probably trying to make our christmas the best it could be since our dad just died. Like hello, hey, it's teenagers. It's teenagers. Teenagers have no frontal lobe, remember. That's right. We don't know, they don't we. I'm beyond teenage life, but, yes, we are Awesome.
Katie Parsons:Well, thank you, Dani. Are you going to show your cranch? Oh my God, yeah, I brought one thing. It is a picture, so, if you are, if you are, I should have put this on my computer. If you are on YouTube, I'll hold it up to the screen, but otherwise you've got to check our socials. And we'll describe it here. Let me see it and I'll describe it. I mentioned this to you recently on an episode.
Dani Combs:Oh, jesus Christ, why did we have to? Okay, so there's three clowns in a picture, oh my God, and it is very eighties, nineties, like clowns with, like the rainbow, you know, big hair, the home base paint. Were those homemade outfit, yes, okay, yeah, uh, definitely with the collar, the ruffle collar. Is that you in the middle.
Katie Parsons:Let me see. No, that's me on the end with the glasses. Stop, that is me. Shut up glasses right on top of my face. I cannot.
Dani Combs:Why did you know? Have no red lips?
Katie Parsons:you were white-lipped, I don't know, do they have red lips? Yeah, they forgot to give you the red. They forgot. So these are my friends, nicole and kristin, who I'm still friends with on Facebook, and stuff they live in my hometown.
Katie Parsons:So, okay, youtube, I'll show you really quick. Yeah, we'll put it in socials too. I'm the one without the red lips, wearing glasses and like I'm genuinely like proud of this situation. And we didn't just do it for fun, this was for 4-H. Like we got judged on this. We got judged on, like our cost, you do it, you were clowning. It was literally called clowning, literal, that was the category they do have clown college, like people are like, yeah, I mean, there's nothing wrong with it, yeah, yeah but it was like like we took it very seriously, like our outfits were a whole thing our makeup, our wigs.
Katie Parsons:Why did we have the same wigs, though? Like why couldn't we have our own? Like we're literally all wearing the same wig. I don't know what's that about.
Dani Combs:I am freaked out by clowns.
Katie Parsons:I know I'm sorry Like literally.
Dani Combs:We talked about this already. Troy's reading it right now, so I'm reminded every night that I am terrified of clowns.
Katie Parsons:Like I remember.
Dani Combs:Oh my, oh, my God. Those are the kinds of clowns that scare me the most, like the homemade creepy glasses sitting on their white paint.
Katie Parsons:It's like I'm just going to put on glasses now. I bet you were good at it though I think I was, because it's a lot of improv really and that picture we were in a parade, so we were throwing candy and interacting with children along the route.
Dani Combs:I love that.
Katie Parsons:Yeah, I think it was a 4th of July parade. Were you making kids cry? None that I saw, but probably I mean that was the age of it. Oh yeah, Like when we were doing that it would have been, but anyway, oh my.
Dani Combs:God, I love that.
Katie Parsons:Awesome. Well, more cringe to come. Don't worry whether it's just even on our normal episodes. More cringe, more YouTube to come, and we are going to stick around for bonus episodes. So make sure you check us out on Patreon, if you haven't already. Oh, you forgot. We forgot merch. Everyone, we have merch, we have the merch and the website, and we have a website, generationinbetweencom, and if you want to see the merch, click on store.
Dani Combs:And that's where it is.
Katie Parsons:I think they probably Dear Zennials. Here's how websites work. Katie type this. Well, the only reason I was so specific is because when you told me it was up, I was looking for merch and then I was like store, that's it. Oh well, we can rename it. I guess we could. But now I told them it's store. I still think they'd be able to figure it out. Oh my goodness. Well, it might be merch, it might be store, depending when you look. Whatever.
Dani Combs:but we've got all kinds of things and our patrons, y'all, are going to get something special. Yeah, I'm going to send that message to y'all today. So, hooray. And if y'all would like a little special gift, then come join our Patreon and you'll get bonus episodes, and every now and then we get our act together. You get a little, a little gift, a little present a little fun, so awesome.
Katie Parsons:Thanks for listening to Generation Between. We'll see you guys, bye, bye. Youtube.
